Once upon a time on Linda Ikeji’ Blog, there lived this piece I wrote:
The world would be a peaceful place if people learnt to say “I’m sorry”. Knowing that you have been so badly offended, I, on behalf of those offenders, come to offer my apologies.
I sincerely apologise for those silly girls. I am deeply sorry for whatever wrongs their senselessness caused them to commit. I do not blame you for trying to beat some sense into them. I only blame the first lady you hit who made you think it was not really bad to hit a lady. She probably went “you go kill me today” when she should have served you your own meal in a finer dish. That should have restored your default settings. So, for that terrible first impression, I go on bended knees.
I apologise for those girls who did what they did on that date with you. I was about to explain the difference between you and their godfathers when your calls came in and they ran off. Just on a two-hour date, they ate breakfast, lunch and dinner. I’m sorry they painted that leech image of a lady. I’m sorry you got what you wanted in the age-long trade-by-barter you sought. I’m sorry you didn’t meet the true ambassadors of womanhood.
I also apologise for the just-too-smart ladies. I’m sorry they somehow forgot ambition was masculine. The perfect housewives too could be very great women as there are many shades of greatness. I’m sorry we can’t all be same, else life would lose its spicy variety. I’m sorry you are too intimidated to know how to value them.
There are many apologies to offer. I’m sorry you met these girls and ladies on your way to growing into a man. I’m sorry you didn’t know what to do with them. I’m sorry that’s wisdom only available to real men.
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