Urgent Letter To the Police

Oga Police

Dear Oga Police,

Kindly add the following bad Nigerians to the long list of people you have to arrest:

1. Those with body odour found in public places: these fellows have a strategic way of depleting the lifespan of those they stand or sit close to. Some of them have such active criminal minds that they whisper to you at an even closer range thereby infringing on a citizen’s right to life.

2. Those who misappropriate the gift of perfumes: these fellows are the unregistered cause of ozone layer depletion and climate change. All they need do is waka pass and everyone starts sneezing to the point of tears. Not teaching you your job sah, but part of your line of questioning should include: “do you know the difference between perfume and pomade?”

3. Those kingpins of bad English: sah, on the top ten list of Nigeria’s many natural resources, pidgin English ranks high. Why these people vandalise English and neglect dear old pidgin baffles the ancestors. If the government researches well, it will find many cases of deafness are caused by these unrepentant civilians.

There are more, sah, but we can start with these. Get these people locked up and UN will rate Nigeria a really safe place to live.

Sincerely,
A Concerned Nigerian.

Image Source: Vanguard

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